Case Study: How to work with Emotional Blocks using Internal Family Systems
Note: This blog post describes the “flow” of a therapy session using Internal Family Systems concepts and tools. The intended audience is prospective and current clients who want to understand more about what IFS Therapy might be like in a session, and for clinicians who are learning IFS and would benefit from an example of an IFS session that includes the advanced intervention technique of “Direct Access.”
“The more we do this, the easier it gets. It’s easier to tap into it, for me.” - Janice*, a client
A client, I’ll call her Janice*, was talking about a relative during a recent therapy session. I knew from prior sessions that this relationship was a challenging one for Janice, and I didn’t want to have another conversation about it without offering some alternative experience for her. As an Internal Family Systems therapist, I know with confidence that when a client shifts from just talking about her feelings in her head to experiencing them in her body and connecting to them with attention and compassion, things begin to shift. So I asked Janice if she was willing to do some “parts work” with her feelings related to this person in her life, and she agreed.
The first step in doing IFS parts work is to move from being in the head and listening to thoughts to being in the body and noticing sensations. We start by simply following the breath. Right now as you read this, you can try it. Simply notice your in-breath and the out-breath, as you shift your attention from the outside space to the inside space (your body sensations) for just one minute. I’ll wait for you :)
[This is me waiting for you for one minute, while I also follow my in-breath and my out-breath...in, out...in, out...in, out...Okay, I’m back.]
Once Janice was gently focused “inside,” I invited her to imagine walking along a path in nature. It was easy to come up with something in her mind - we have done this type of mindfulness meditation a number of times now. I like to do mini meditations in sessions so that people can experience what it’s like in the moment, rather than just talk about the benefits of mindfulness meditation during therapy and then not be able to do it on their own because they don’t really know what it’s like.
Janice imagined a path with the sun shining and a soft breeze blowing, and lots of trees. I invited her to imagine her thoughts and feelings about her challenging relative as “parts” and to let her imagination allow those parts to take whatever form came up in her mind. She said they were like “mini me’s” - smaller versions of herself, “Almost like the dwarfs in Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs walking in the forest.” I suggested that she find a place to sit and rest, in her mind’s eye, and to invite her parts to join her. She did that, and told me that she was imagining sitting near water with lots of birds nearby. Her vivid imagery was helping her to relax and be receptive to her parts. I then invited her to see which part might want to share more of their thoughts and feelings about this person.
Immediately, a part came up that was blocking Janice from listening to her thoughts and feelings. It didn’t have a specific form, but she could sense some sort of block when she tried to notice her parts. I asked her if that one would “unblend” from her so that she could listen to the other parts and connect with those feelings, and it wouldn’t. She said it was helping her not get upset by blocking her from those uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. No problem! I asked if I could talk to this protector part directly, and she said yes.
I began to talk to this protector part of Janice. Basically, I interviewed it. I asked:
What is its purpose?
When did it start doing this for Janice?
What is it afraid would happen if Janice connected to her thoughts and feelings?
What is its deepest desire for Janice?
It turned out that this protector part was blocking her from feeling uncomfortable feelings so that she could feel safe and happy in who she is. As I listened with genuine curiosity and acceptance, this part told me more about its history as a part of Janice and how it had been protecting her from being hurt and feeling badly by blocking difficult thoughts and feelings for many years.
After a few minutes of talking directly with this part (which is called “Direct Access” in IFS lingo), I asked if it would be willing to unblend from Janice so that she could talk with it. The part was willing to do that.
Now at this point, I want to let you know, dear reader, that I would not be surprised if this sounds sort of strange to you. Shifting from talk therapy to doing meditation in therapy; imagining thoughts and feelings as anthropomorphized “parts”; taking a walk with those imagined parts; talking to them and listening to their replies, etc. If this seems weird or, as one therapist friend says, “woo-woo,” I get it! When I first began using Internal Family Therapy with clients, I was concerned people would think it was too different from “regular” therapy, or that people would get scared off by thinking they have “multiple personalities” inside of them (which is completely normal, btw.) And some people do think it’s weird at first, or at least very different from the type of therapy they may have experienced in the past. So I go slow.
The whole point of the IFS therapy process is to learn to relate to our thoughts, feelings, memories, and deeply held beliefs in a new way, so that we can have more choice in how we respond to ourselves and to the people around us. More choice = more emotional safety, and more safety = more ease and joy in life.
Back to Janice. After I had asked the protector part if it would unblend so that Janice could talk with it, I invited Janice to come back and talk with the part. Janice had been sitting in front of me the whole time, but she had allowed her protector part to “take over” and do the talking for a while. Now, she had curiosity and compassion for this part of her that had been working hard for a long time to try and help her feel safe and happy and confident. She acknowledged that this part, who wanted to be called “The Blocker,” had done a good job of managing her emotions when other parts had been afraid that those strong feelings of anger or hurt would take over and she would lose control.
It is a really common fear - to worry that if we let ourselves feel strong feelings, they will take over and we won’t be in control anymore. Paradoxically, when we pay attention to our thoughts and feelings rather than avoiding them, they will relax because they feel heard and seen and understood. This is not unlike upset children, who calm down when they are listened to and soothed in a calm and accepting way.
Janice offered appreciation to The Blocker, who had been protecting a younger version of Janice who had gone through some tough times. This is a Self-part connection, which is what we call it when a person’s core Self brings awareness and acceptance without judgement (that’s mindfulness) to a part. The Self notices and acknowledges how that part has been trying to help, in the case of protector parts, or has been hurt, in the case of younger “exile” parts that hold those potentially scary or overwhelming memories and feelings. This intentional connection between our core Self and our parts is very important and healing, just by itself.
It was getting to be near the end of this IFS parts session, but I wanted to see if Janice herself (in other words, Janice’s Self) could connect with the younger part that The Blocker had been protecting for so long. It turned out that was a little bit difficult right then, and that’s totally okay. Janice and I talked about why it was hard for her, and she was able to have some compassion and understanding for herself in the moment. We will make space for that younger part to be seen and heard and understood another time soon. But for this session, Janice reconnected with The Blocker and let it know that it is no longer alone with the dilemma of managing Janice’s thoughts and feelings - that Janice can partner with it. Janice listened as The Blocker told her it would like having that support. After a few mindful breaths, Janice opened her eyes and returned to the outside space.
As we were wrapping up the session, Janice said, “The more we do this, the easier it gets. It’s easier to tap into it, for me.” With that ease comes acceptance of all that is inside of her - thoughts, feelings, memories and beliefs that form her personal history. Once we begin to relate to those things inside of us differently, then new connections begin to happen, both inside and outside.
*The names and a lot of the details have been changed, but this reflects the kind of work that my associates and I do with clients here at Four Corners Counseling & Well-Being.
