Supporting Transgender and Gender Diverse Kids and Their Parents:

When my youngest child was in Kindergarten, the teacher asked the kids to line up in two lines, one for boys and one for girls. My little one did not know which line to go to and when they told me about it that afternoon, they were in tears. They did not yet have the words to say “I’m non-binary” but the confusion and sadness they shared with me that day reinforced that the gender binary, the idea that a person can only be male or female, is a social construct. The gender binary does not fully reflect the reality of my beautiful child and so many others.

My kiddo came out as non-binary(they/them pronouns) when they were 8 years old. They told me, “I am not a boy or a girl, I am me.” It was a joyful moment. It was a gift - being able to witness my child declaring their truth, because my greatest hope and dream for my children is for them to be authentically and uniquely themselves. It was also terrifying.

Along with my joy, so many fears ran through my mind. Where will they go to the bathroom at school, in restaurants, at rest stops? What about locker rooms and sports teams - where does a non-binary kid fit in? Will they be bullied, socially isolated, threatened or physically harmed? Will they feel invisible? Will they be rejected by extended family? How will transphobia affect their self esteem and their mental health?

The research is clear. Suicide attempts, mental health issues and health problems are much higher in transgender and non-binary kids. The research also shows that the toll on transgender kids is largely the result of the exclusion, discrimination and ignorance they face.

According to The Movement Advancement Project, as of 1/31/2024, twenty three states have bans or restrictions on best practice medical care for trans children and youth. Fourteen states and the District of Columbia have shield laws that protect access to transgender health care.

While the right to gender affirming medical care and education are being threatened across the country, transgender and gender diverse kids face daily challenges in the public schools. The challenges range from lack of Gender Neutral or All Gender bathrooms to constant misgendering by other students and teachers, the lack of inclusive curricula especially with regards to “Family Life” and ongoing struggles with faculty who continue to separate kids into groups of boys and girls.

I have spent countless hours writing emails and in meetings with Montgomery County Public School (MCPS) staff and officials advocating for gender inclusive curricula, facilities and teaching practices. While MCPS has a great gender inclusion policy, ongoing professional development opportunities for teachers and buildings are slowly being updated to include All Gender bathrooms, there is much work to be done on creating affirming spaces in school for trans and gender diverse kids.

Support and self-care are critical

Some parents struggle when their child comes out as transgender and/or non-binary. Whether there is grief over the loss of the life you imagined for your child, fears about your transgender and/or non-binary child’s safety in a transphobic world, adjusting to new names and pronouns or contending with religious communities, extended family, schools and medical systems that are not affirming of your child’s gender identity, it can all feel overwhelming.

That is where support and self-care are critical. In addition to finding resources, advocating and supporting their trans kids, parents and caregivers need their own space to process their journey with their child’s gender identity. That is why I decided to create TransForming Parenthood: A group for parents and caregivers of trans and gender diverse kids. TransForming Parenthood is a safe and inviting space for parents and caregivers to explore their hopes and fears for their child, learn about resources, connect with other parents and gain more access to feelings of curiosity, compassion and confidence. For six weeks, a small group of parents and caregivers will gather to share their struggles and successes, gain a deeper understanding of gender identity development and create a community of support. Learn more about our TransForming Parenthood group or email me.

It turns out that, having just one affirming and reliable adult - could be a parent or not - and being in affirming spaces, greatly improves outcomes for transgender and gender diverse kids.

What matters most is that you understand that your transgender and
non-binary youth will do better with your love and acceptance.

I believe that we are all doing the best we can at any given moment and that people have the capacity to learn and grow. I also believe that parents want their children to be safe, loved and successful. I know that a world with supportive and affirming parents and caregivers, is a world with more confident and secure transgender kids and a safer world for them to grow up in. And so, I continue to do what I can to support transgender and gender diverse kids and their family members, because we are only as strong as the most vulnerable among us.

Rescources and more…

Through my child’s journey, I have found amazing communities, friends and allies. We all need support and there are some great resources available in the DC area and through national organizations (see below). Additional parent resources are listed below. If you don’t find what you need, I invite you to email me.

Twelve Ways to Support Your Transgender or Gender-Expansive Kiddo

You are not alone. In a 2017 report from the UCLA Williams Institute, it is estimated that 0.7% of youth ages 13 to 17 identify as transgender. There are a lot of other parents of transgender kids out there. You do not need to go through this process alone and support helps. Find other parents of transgender kids and connect with them! Check out TransForming Parenthood - an in person therapeutic and educational group in Silver Spring, MD.
No one can “make” someone else transgender. Your child’s identification as transgender is not because of something you did or didn’t do or because of things they read on the internet. Be grateful that they trust you enough to share this part of themselves with you. And know that how you respond can have a huge impact on their quality of life and your relationship with them.
Supporting your transgender child will lead to a happier and healthier life. Life can be difficult and stressful for transgender youth. Your love and acceptance of your child’s gender is crucial; without it, your child may be at greater risk of mental and physical health issues. Research shows that transgender youth who feel accepted by the people in their lives, have better outcomes. So, the more your transgender child lives openly in their identity and the more they feel your love, encouragement and acceptance, the more they will thrive.
Use the name and pronouns that your child decides on. Transgender and non-binary young people often choose a new name and change their pronouns to align with their gender identity. It can be hard for parents to adjust to their child’s new name and pronouns, so take time to practice with a friend or by writing them repetitively. It is critical to their emotional well-being for family members to use their chosen name and pronouns.
Educate yourself about gender and sexual identities! If transgender, non-binary and gender-expansive identities are new concepts for you, it is important to educate yourself and learn the lingo of gender and sexual identities. For example, non-binary is a new concept for many parents and it means different things for different people. Non-binary is an umbrella term for gender identities that are not exclusively male or female. For some people, non-binary means that they are not male or female and for some it means that they are both male and female. It is important to learn the lingo and use the language that your kiddo connects with.
Ask questions and then listen. There are many different paths. People change as they grow up and learn more about who they are. For some, gender identity may be fairly stable while for others, their identity (name and pronouns too) may change several times throughout their life. There is no one right path. Listen to your young person as they explore and discover their own truth.
Allow youth to set the pace on who they come out to and when. Coming out to people takes courage and energy. There are fears of being shamed, rejected, harmed and displaced. Follow your child’s lead on who they want to tell and when. For example, they may want to start by coming out to immediate family only and that is ok. By following their lead, you will build trust with them.
Try not to let fear get in the way. Many parents fear ‘losing’ their son or daughter and fear that the hopes and dreams they held for their child may no longer be possible. Transgender and non-binary youth are often afraid too – of rejection and of how their lives might change. All dreams are still possible – finishing school, getting a good job, finding someone to love, and having a family. Some extra planning or precautions may be necessary, but anything is possible…especially with strong family acceptance.
This may challenge your beliefs and values. Truly accepting your young person’s gender identity may challenge everything you learned about gender from your family, school, society, culture and religion. But remember, transgender and non-binary people are found in every culture and religion worldwide, and have been throughout history. One father who initially struggled to accept his child’s gender identity based on his cultural and religious values finally came to this conclusion: “At the core of all my beliefs is love, and I choose to love my child unconditionally.”
Advocate for your child. There may be challenges through this journey and your child may need you to model courage and creativity in the face of prejudice and ignorance. There are many ways to advocate for change whether it is in your child’s classroom, school or religious community or at the district, state or national level. Get involved and follow your kiddo’s lead when it comes to addressing issues in their day-to-day life.
Take care of yourself. This journey may be confusing and disorienting for you. You may be afraid for your youth’s safety, and worry about bullying and discrimination. Parents of transgender kids experience a wide range of feelings including confusion, guilt, disappointment, sadness, anger and fear. These feelings are common. Be compassionate with yourself as you move through them. Try not to overwhelm your youth with negative feelings as this may damage your relationship. Whenever you can, find other adults to share any hurt, fear, or disappointment with, especially those who may be going through similar experiences. And, know that it is possible to also feel relief, joy, confidence and courage through this process.
You’ll find helpful information and support along the way. There are many wonderful people and sources of information that can support you and your family as you come to understand more about gender identity. Hundreds of websites are dedicated to assisting transgender and non-binary youth and adults, and most major cities have groups that meet regularly. Some of what you learn may frighten or sadden you – but some will be illuminating and perhaps, even inspiring. Others have traveled this path before you and can help guide you and support your family along the way.

Resource List

National Organizations and Services

ACLU The American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) works in the courts, legislatures, and communities to defend and preserve the individual rights and liberties guaranteed to all people in this country by the Constitution and laws of the United States.
Family Acceptance Project This website is a collaboration between the Family Acceptance Project® (FAP) and the Institute for Innovation & Implementation to increase family and community support for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer-identified (LGBTQ) children and youth to decrease health and mental health risks and to promote well-being.
Gender Spectrum Gender Spectrum works to create gender sensitive and inclusive environments for all children and teens. We provide a wealth of online programs, resources and information that young people, parents and families can use to further their understanding of gender and learn the value of parental and adult support.
GLSEN Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN) works to ensure that LGBTQ students are able to learn and grow in a school environment free from bullying and harassment.
National Center For Transgender Equality NCTE provides a one-stop hub for name and gender change information. Find out how to update name and gender on state and federal IDs and records.
Stand With Trans Since 2015 Stand with Trans has been dedicated to developing programs, Educational Events and Support Groups to serve the Transgender Youth. Our mission is to provide the tools needed by transgender youth so they will be empowered, supported and validated as they transition to their authentic life.
Trans Youth Equality Foundation The Trans Youth Equality Foundation shares information about the unique needs of transgender and gender non-conforming children and youth and their families, partnering with families, educators and service providers to help foster a healthy, caring, and safe environment for all transgender children.
TransYouth Family Allies TYFA empowers children and families by partnering with educators, service providers and communities, to develop supportive environments in which gender may be expressed and respected.
The Trevor Project provides crisis intervention and suicide prevention services for LGBTQIA+ youth (defined by the organization as people under 25) and offers guidance and resources to parents and educators in order to foster safe, accepting, and inclusive environments for all youth, at home and at school.
Welcoming Schools The Human Rights Campaign Foundation's Welcoming Schools is the nation's premier professional development program providing training and resources to elementary school educators to embrace all families, create LGBTQ+ and gender inclusive schools, prevent bias-based bullying and support transgender and non-binary students.

Local to DC Area

Chase Brexton The GenderJOY program provides expert health care services for transgender and gender diverse children and adolescents, and their families. A pediatric program of Chase Brexton Health Care and the Center for LGBTQ Health Equity, our specialized high-quality care includes:
- Pediatric care
- Gynecological care
- Puberty blockers
- Cross sex hormones
- Fertility preservation counseling
- Behavioral Health services
- Social work & outreach services
- On-site laboratory & pharmacy
PFLAG metroDC Metro DC PFLAG promotes the equality and well being of gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender persons, their families and friends through:
- Support to cope with an adverse society
- Education to enlighten an ill-informed public
- Advocacy to end discrimination and secure equal civil rights.
SMYAL SMYAL (Supporting and Mentoring Youth Advocates and Leaders) supports and empowers lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and questioning (LGBTQ) youth in the Washington, DC, metropolitan region. Through youth leadership, SMYAL creates opportunities for LGBTQ youth to build self-confidence, develop critical life skills, and engage their peers and community through service and advocacy. Committed to social change, SMYAL builds, sustains, and advocates for programs, policies, and services that LGBTQ youth need as they grow into adulthood.
Whitman-Walker Health Whitman-Walker Health supports people as young as 13 years old with gender affirming care. We provide a variety of services including medical care, behavioral health care, surgical referrals, assistance with name and gender change, insurance navigation and other supportive services to help reach your health and wellness goals.

Books for Parents of Transgender and Gender-Diverse Kids

Camps, Trips and Conferences

Camp Aranu’tiq summer camp in New Hampshire for transgender, gender non-conforming and non-binary youth & families
Camp Brave Trails summer camp in Maryland for LGBTQ+ youth & families
Camp Free 2Be Camp Free2Be is a week-long summer day camp for transgender, non-binary, and gender diverse kids, ages 6-12 in Arlington, VA. Kids come for fun, games, songs, crafts, science, skits, friendships, and being their authentic selves!
Gender Journey Mid-Atlantic local conference for families & professionals
Venture Out New England wilderness trips for queer & transgender youth and adults

1 Price-Feeney, M., Green, A & Dorison, S. (2021). Understanding the Mental Health of Transgender and Non-Binary Youth. Journal of Adolescent Health. VOLUME 66, ISSUE 6, P684-690, JUNE 01, 2020

2 https://www.lgbtmap.org/equality-maps/healthcare_youth_medical_care_bans

3 https://www.lgbtmap.org/equality-maps/healthcare/trans_shield_laws

4 Green, A. & Price-Feeney, M. (2021). Association of Gender Identity Acceptance with Fewer Suicide Attempts among Transgender and Non-binary Youth. https://doi.org/10.1089/trgh.2021.0079

5 Adapted from Families In Transition: A Resource Guide for Families of Trans Youth, 2nd Edition. Central Toronto Youth Services.
https://ctys.org/wp-content/uploads/CTYS-FIT-Families-in-Transition-Guide-2nd-edition.pdf

6 Herman, J., Flores, A., Brown, T., Wilson, B. & Contron, K. (2017). Age of Individuals Who Identify as Transgender in the United States. https://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/publications/age-trans-individuals-us/

7 Price-Feeney, M., Green, A & Dorison, S. (2021). Understanding the Mental Health of Transgender and Non-Binary Youth. Journal of Adolescent Health. VOLUME 66, ISSUE 6, P684-690, JUNE 01, 2020

8 Green, A. & Price-Feeney, M. (2021). Association of Gender Identity Acceptance with Fewer Suicide Attempts among Transgender and Non-binary Youth. https://doi.org/10.1089/trgh.2021.0079

9 Affirming vs. Non-Affirming Parenting Behaviors, Gender Spectrum https://www.dropbox.com/s/rzjkrmsw7iklvh1/Affirming%20vs%20Non-affirming%20Parenting%204.24.17.pdf?dl=0

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