The Unseen Battle: Living with High-Functioning Anxiety
Anxiety, despite being the most prevalent mental health disorder in the world, can be difficult to recognize. We have heard about physical symptoms of anxiety like sweating, rapid heart rate, trembling, etc. But these intense physical manifestations of anxiety and panic don’t always accompany anxious thoughts and feelings. For many, the presence of anxiety can drive individuals to become overachievers on the outside in an attempt to cope with feelings of insecurity and overwhelm on the inside.
High-functioning anxiety can manifest in ways that make the person seem confident, competent, and calm on the outside, despite feeling insecure and worried on the inside. Think of it as a type of emotional coping mechanism. If you can get a lot accomplished and receive support and validation from others who praise your efficiency and kindness, then you will not be focused on how nervous and uncertain you feel. It’s not that you are incompetent if you are not high-functioning, but rather that you may be worried that others might perceive you that way, or that you would feel less-than, if you don’t strive for perfection.
What Does High-Functioning Anxiety Look Like?
Are you someone that the people in your life rely on? When there’s a problem, you’re the first person they look to because you’re organized, resourceful, and always ready to help. You may be willing to drop anything and step up to solve the problem and get things running smoothly again. Part of this is, of course, that you like to help. But hidden under the altruism, you may also be afraid to let others down. To do so, you may believe, is to risk rejection.
Someone with high-functioning anxiety may be that co-worker who arrives early and stays late. They never take a day off and are happy to go above and beyond. No matter how good their work performance is, they need plenty of reassurance and never feel satisfied. Or it may be the hard-working parent who carries a full-time job and then has to organize after-school activities, dinner schedules, and the long list of tasks related to caring for children and a household. Unbeknownst to the people around them, worry is the constant companion of folks with high-functioning anxiety.
The Personal Impact of High-Functioning Anxiety
Exhaustion
If you overwork in the name of anxiety, you will eventually become tired. If you say yes to everyone’s requests, you’re bound to be low on energy. But it’s more than that. To spend all day, every day, presenting a facade of calm confidence when that is not how you are authenically feeling is exhausting. It can take a toll on your long-term health and well-being. Sadly, wearing yourself down lowers your resilience and results in even higher levels of anxiety.
Invalidation
Quite often, the only person who knows you’re struggling is you — maybe. You see, high-functioning anxiety can be so insidious that even you think all is fine. You might be minimizing or ignoring some signs of the strain, such as difficulty relaxing and feeling like your mind is always busy. You’re not really checking in on yourself, and no one is checking in on you. Why would they? You aren’t complaining, and you’re the role model. Everyone can see how much you have your act together, so rather than see if you’re okay, they come to you with their crises.
While this might seem validating initially, this pattern ultimately becomes invalidating. There is a lot to do, and you are capable of doing it, and no one else is stepping up, or at least not in the way you would like them to. And since your self-image is that you are able to handle a lot of stress and responsibility, unlike someone with an “obvious” anxiety disorder, you don’t seek help. The end result is no support for you as your underlying anxiety continues to be the invisible driver of your high-functioning outward appearance, and there is no relief in sight.
Loneliness
When your primary source of socializing is when you’re asked to help out, things can feel bleak. From the outside, you always look busy so that could result in fewer invitations. Meanwhile, you may unconsciously not be in touch with what you are feeling inside, underneath all of the “doing” and you may avoid getting too close to people. Comparing your insides to others’ outsides is a common high-functioning trap that keeps people feeling less-than and stuck in the high-functioning but low-quality of life cycle.
How Can Someone With High-Functioning Anxiety Find Relief?
The life of someone with high-functioning anxiety can become overly complicated with unrealistic expectations of yourself and of life. You may be someone for whom seeking professional help doesn’t fit with your self-perception. However, therapy is uniquely positioned for this scenario. You need support but don’t want to burden others, or perhaps you have some embarrassment about no longer feeling invincible, and you’d like to be private about exploring what is driving your over-functioning. Your weekly therapy sessions can be like a private workshop in which you can let down your guard and share your innermost emotions.
With a skilled guide by your side, you can see more clearly what patterns need to be adjusted or even deleted. Step by step, you learn how to find the balance that’s currently lacking in your everyday life. And with Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, you will get to know the parts of you that work so hard, and create new opportunities and choices to live the life you truly crave. If this opportunity resonates with you, let’s connect and talk soon.
