Social Distancing Now
At Four Corners Counseling & Well-being, we shifted to all televideo sessions beginning last Friday, March 13th. In addition, my household is practicing Comprehensive Social Distancing (no contact with others as much as possible). It has been difficult to get clear about these decisions in the midst of divergent views and confusing information. I hope that my thoughts here can provide support and solidarity for those of you who have already taken these steps, and encouragement to others as you determine how best to respond today and this week.
As an Internal Family Systems (IFS, or “parts work”) therapist, I first want to acknowledge some of my parts that have been activated as I write this. I have a “prophetic” part that wants to sound the alarm; a “pastoral” part that wants to offer solace and comfort; “parent” and “partner” parts that are scared for my family; “anxious” parts that feel this is all too little too late; “insecure” parts that feel my words won’t add much to the discourse. Having spoken for those parts, I will move ahead with a little more calm and courage in my heart.
This is a time of global and national peril. The tsunami of Covid-19 is coming; the tsunami of awareness about the need for social distancing is coming too, but not fast enough. Over the weekend I spoke with skeptical neighbors, hesitant colleagues, confused family members and a resistant tween: “Mom, why are you making this such a big deal? It’s just a pandemic!”
As a social worker, I have a professional Code of Ethics that I have turned to in the midst of my own dawning realization of the need to “overreact.” I am drawn to three core values: Service, the Importance of Human Relationships, and Integrity.
Social distancing is a form of community service. There is a public health imperative for social distancing right now. Social distancing does not equal social isolation; we can honor and uphold the importance of human relationships in the midst of this crisis. For example: I had dinner plans scheduled last Friday with a dear friend; I asked if we could shift to a FaceTime Happy Hour instead, in order to act with integrity on my decision to practice social distancing. With our beverages of choice in hand, we enjoyed a long and connecting conversation from our respective homes. At the end, my friend exclaimed, “This was great! It worked so well!” We are lucky to have this and other technology during this pandemic; it is totally possible to stay emotionally connected while physically apart.
Consistent comprehensive social distancing, especially in midst of confusion now, is an act of integrity. It is important to be as consistent as we can in order to #flattenthecurve of the virus spread. I am struck by how very difficult it is to be consistent with social distancing, especially when many people are not doing it yet or not to the same extent. On my morning walk with my dog, I waved to a neighbor from 100 feet away, thinking to myself, “What a good way to make contact from afar!” Instead, the neighbor changed course and headed right towards us, wanting to chat and let the dogs meet, which was EXACTLY what I was trying to avoid by giving a friendly wave from afar. After a brief exchange, we went our separate ways, and I felt confusion, concern, embarrassment - all the feels but all of which are perfectly normal feelings right now.
I recognize that comprehensive social distancing is not feasible for everyone, and that there are deep social and economic realities that will determine what many people can or cannot do today and in the days ahead. I am finding my seat on my three-legged stool of Service, The Importance of Relationships and Integrity. Please do as much as you can to maintain distance with non-household members now, so that we can come together as a community once again in the future.
I will be reaching out with more thoughts, support and resources during this time of uncertainty and change. Please feel free to reach out to me. And, here is a song for the occasion ~
May you be well, and keep washing your hands ~
Hetty
