Anxiety, Parenting and Covid-19
Anyone else feel like their anxiety is sky-high? My friend told me yesterday that she is adding wine to her morning tea, just to start the day off right. These are crazy times we are in. Many of us are turning to things that bring comfort to our lives, whether it’s chocolate, wine, online shopping, Netflix, or sleep. Others are feeling dragged down by worry, sadness, and exhaustion, struggling to find ways to feel better. Either way, we are all finding ways to adapt and cope with this current situation. Some of these ways of coping help in the short run, but end up leading to more stress.
For me, scrolling through Facebook has become an exercise in shame - I “should” be teaching my children how to garden, paint or create forts out of rocks. I “should” have brushed up on my Spanish, or better yet, taught my 6 year old how to speak it (they do say they are sponges at that age). I “should” have cleaned out the basement, and Marie Condo’ed every drawer in my house. I “should” be going on daily hikes in the woods, eating a rainbow of vegetables at every meal, and trimming down just in time for - summer? Will we even have a summer? Or will we just have months of hot weather that look the exact same as right now? And the children? What will we all do with our children?! I am realizing that my way of coping by escaping into social media is turning out to be more anxiety-inducing than stress-relieving. And now, I’m managing two big challenges: parenting my children while we are all at home, and caring for my own anxiety that is coming up in the midst of this stressful time.
Anxiety and parenting is no new concept - but anxiety/parenting in the time of Covid19? This is new. I would venture a guess that the same rules apply. Keeping ourselves calm and centered is key to helping our kids feel calm and centered. But how do we get there? How do we get to a place of calm when we are feeling out of control? Here are four strategies that I have found very helpful, and can even be taught to children.
#1: 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 - Find 5 things you see, 4 things you hear, 3 things you smell, 2 things you taste, and 1 thing you are grateful for - this is a very grounding exercise. It orients us to our surroundings using our senses, which helps us be grounded in our bodies. It also engages our brain in seeking out positive perspective, which is emotionally grounding and centering.
#2: Notice how you are feeling in your body - are there any tight spots, pain, sensations? Ask those sensations what they are trying to tell you? Wait for the answer. That may sound silly at first, but give it a try! Our bodies are very wise, and we can learn to listen. Trust what you hear. This can be helpful in bringing our awareness inward and finding where our stress lives in our bodies.
#3: Inundate your system with pleasurable activities: Watch funny dog videos, listen to sounds of the ocean, stare at the sky, feel the sun on your skin - try to engage your 5 senses and build activities around this. Kids love to find fun things to do! You can have a brainstorming activity with your children, and write down all of your ideas on slips of paper and put them in the “fun things to do” jar, or list them and post it on the refrigerator. It can come in handy when boredom or stress makes it hard to think of fresh ideas.
#4: Focus on the future: Remember that this is temporary and we WILL return to some sense of normalcy. Continue to plan for the future - look into future vacations, think about upcoming celebrations, find events to look forward to.
And lastly, take each day as it comes. Try to infuse each day with structure and purpose.. Take walks and hot baths, don’t diet, and forget the Spanish. I’m not going to let over-zealous posts on Facebook or Pinterest cause me stress! I’m going to stay right here in the present. Some days, I’ll laugh. Other days I’ll cry. I invite you to do the same, and try some grounding exercises when you are feeling anxious. Just a little bit of self-care can help bring us back to some moments of feeling calm and centered. Just be where you are, because this too shall pass.
